Why You Should Stop Searching for Your Soulmate

There are seven billion people in the world and one soul mate out there somewhere for you to find, right?

Maybe… but maybe not.

Research has quite clearly shown that a strong belief in destiny can actually be harmful to you and the success of your relationships. Here’s why: Having the mentality of believing that you’ve found your soul mate is related to all kinds of unhealthy thinking about your love life.

Let’s illustrate? You fall in love and start a relationship. And all relationships have processes and phases that they tend to follow. Infatuated love when most of your time is spent thinking about that special person will most likely only last a number of months. What really matters is what happens next. In other words: How will you react when your soul mate starts looking a bit less perfect?

Are you the type of person who naturally faces hardships with a “work through it” mentality? In other words, do you see good things and bad things as equal part of the process of life? All relationships will go through hardship – it’s how you respond to that hardship that matters. That’s why the best predictor of whether your relationship will succeed in the long term is how you resolve disagreements. Research shows that people in relationships who have a “work through it” mentality will cope much better when the inevitable trials come and that their relationships will stand a better chance of long-term survival.

Ask yourself what kind of general view you have: Do you believe that things are either meant to happen or not; or do you believe that things happen as a consequence of how much effort and hard work you put into them? Try to realize what you can control and what you can’t. Understand that to get really good at anything (including relationships), thousands of hours of practice are needed.